Take it or Leave It
BY JUN PRADO

Come over for cocktails

I thought my conquest of alcoholism, to me dwarfed the conquest of Mt. Everest!

But it was only some few weeks back that I realized what abstinence is. It actually is the thin edge of the pledge!

I’ve been turned down so many times that I’m like a hot page in a naughty novel. Take these:

I met her at the NPC and after some few drinks, I leaned over and whispered in her ear: “How about coming over to my flat for some more cocktails?” She replied: “I suspect my anticipation of your proclivities in the ecsteric aspects of sexual behavior preclude such an erotic confrontation.”Told her I didn’t get her. “Exactly!” she reparteed.

Radio sex, the practice of sex-tripping on radio communication has not caught the fancy teeners only, but also of adults. Most of these oldies are insomniacs and the lonely hearts. Now, what will they think of next?

A grieving friend told me he left his wife ‘cuz of another woman – her mother!

Leo the Lion was drinking from a stream with his bottom in the air, just as a big chimp was passing. From the chimp’s viewpoint it looked like Lily the lioness, so he crept up for a quiet slap and tickle.

The lion let out a mighty roar and the chimp, realizing his mistake, took off like greased lightning. He sped through the jungle with the lion in hot pursuit.

The chimp dashed into a hunter’s camp, quickly donned a safari suit, slapped on a pith helmet, dived into a chair, grabbed a copy of The Times and hid behind it as if reading the paper.

The lion screeched into the clearing and as soon as the dust settled asked the “hunter.” “Have you seen a chimp dash past here?”

“Not the chimp that dated the lion down the stream?” “Hell!” roared the lion, “Don’t tell me it’s in the gossip column already!”

A white hunter from a safari was chased by a ferocious lion who suddenly came out of the bush. Running for dear life, the hunter found himself cornered in a dead end.

Still shaking with fright but undauntedm he called and implored all the saints in heaven to help him out of his predicament.

Miracle of miracles, Leo the Lion suddenly knelt in front of his helpless victim and looking up to the sky mumbled some whispered prayer. Whereupon, the hunter patted Leo’s name and started genuflecting and shouting: Thank you San Antonio, San Blas, San Juan, St. Nick, St. Adrian, St…

Just then the disturbed Leo growled: “Shut up! Can’t you see I’m saying grace before meals?”

Self deception has become a way of life. Politicians routinely resort to lies. They understand that their promises are mostly make-believe. However, voters understand. And the politicians know that they understand.

There’s a conspiracy against sincerity and candor. It’s an open charade in which all the actors demean nobody but themselves.

Reminds of me of this chap who’s such a chronic gambler that he even cheats himself while playing solitaire!

I’m nearing my seventh decade in life. This time, I’m determined to face life with a stiff upper lip, a firm chin, my feet firmly on the ground, my head high in the air, my nose to the ground, and my shoulder to the wheel.

C’mon , all aboard-and reach out for that Bible!